dejected woodworker needs advice

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Binen Eastern Ia

>First if you enjoy woodworking then do not quit. Everyone has different taste doesn't make anyone right or wrong, just what they like. If what you like to build is not what your wife likes the look of well it is the way it is. Don't for a second think you can change making what you like to please your wife and be happy, because you can not. Make what you like so you enjoy your time in the shop. If you can't enjoy what you make at home then make it and either sell it or donate to worthy causes. Either way you will enjoy your time in the shop and that is what will matter over time.

Binen

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Jeff Schmidt (KY)

>I would get hold of Krenov's _A Cabinetmaker's Notebook_ and a nice hot cup of coffee and remind yourself why you enjoy working wood.

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Bruce, a MN galoot

>you know, I think your advice would be good for all of us, now and then. Works for me. Great idea!

Bruce

Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit *LINK*

WoodburnBob

>o Translation: "Wise man does not urinate towards the wind."

Mike, I was looking at Latin proverbs just before reading the consolatory thread to you. So many seem to apply! That your circumstance may have been shared by the ancients might assuage the wound as well.


Latin Proverbs on Wikiquote

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

John K in Hastings, MN

>I showed this to my wife and she could not believe your wife said that! Steering you into things she likes and doesn't would be better than trashing your completed work.

Anyway, it was a few years before stuff I built was good enough to leave the shop. Shop cabinets, benches, jigs, router table-- all good projects to develop skills on. So is the children's furniture and toys, although I feel for you on the furniture thing. Outdoor projects.

Meanwhile, build your skill set and enjoy the woodworking journey for what it is. If you don't have an interest/aptitude in woodcarving, don't do that kind of furniture. If you do, get some lessons and start working on it.

You have more of a marriage problem than a woodworking problem, in my opinion.

John

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Angelo Schembari in Cornwall, NY

>Mike,

First, the wagon looks great! I guess I should get around to one of those since Gracie is 17 months now. Second, keep at it, its your passion, not hers. Third, SWMBO says that she's emailing you the list of projects that I haven't finished. She assures me whe will be appreciated. :)

This coming from a guy whose wife, kids, brother, inlaws, co-workers, etc. all have been supportive of my projects. Sometimes we don't realize how lucky we are.

I won't let myself think I can't do something.

Ed Snow

>However, I will acknowledge I won't do something.

I bet you can do a piece of high victorian furniture if you wanted to. In fact, I bet we all could if we wanted to. I, and perhaps you, and probably others just choose not to.

That said the approach is the big concern. The logistics typically suck but that is something you just get over. When I jump into things about 99% of the time it is over my head but to cope with the shock I make lists. Lists about what to think about, research tasks, drawings, models, practice joints or carvings, and eventually what order to cut and how to cut. Then I build mock up parts and finally I commit to the final piece. I find it best to make my beginning lists vague so as not to everwhelm myself. We all know this, it is the implementation that takes the work.

Small investments over a long long long period of time will usually produce results. If you want to do something like this you can. If you don't want to welcome to the club.

Don't be afraid to ask questions, people who know the answers love to let you know they do.

First step to doing the type of work your wife wants is Dick Onians' "Essential Woodcarving Techniques". Best carving book I have ever read and particularly pertinent to the carving of the details on victorian furniture.

Dick Onians *LINK*

Barb Siddiqui - Wenatchee, WA

>Excellent book recommendation, Ed. I did a review on that one a couple of years ago, though it is no longer available, I believe, from Cambium Books as linked in the review:


Dick Onians

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

shecky

>Get out of this marriage while you still can. This ego-abrading she-goat man-vampire does not deserve you.

We're not there; we can't judge

Bill Houghton, Sebastopol, CA

>and sticking through the hard part of those kinds of conversations can sometimes lead to being in a tremendously better place than if they'd never occurred.

Bill, with some beauty marks formed from scar tissue

Re: We're not there; we can't judge *LINK*

Mike L

>I think the problem is that non-woodworkers do not typically appreciate how challenging fine woodworking can be. They look at all of the tools in our shops and wonder why we're not pumping out Chippendale armoires every weekend. I once showed a co-worker some of Patrick Edwards' pieces and the response was "I could do that too if I had all of those tools." Yeah, suuuurrrre he could.

Cheers,

Mike


P. Edwards Gallery

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Moses Yoder in White Pigeon, MI

>I find that if I have problems in a relationship, it is because of my faults, not the other persons. To simply dump a person because you don't care much for them any more can only make your life worse, not better. You will have the exact same problems in the next relationship, just a different face and different person to blame it on. Thanks for inspiring me to focus my thoughts ;)

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Derek

>My wife & I have been married for over 25 years. It has not been easy and there have been many time when I felt like you. Don't give up. Don't give up on her.

I have found that I can not listen only to the words my wife says because she is often communicating something very different from the simple meaning of the words she says. Your wife may be saying something quite different from what it seems such as "I am really lonely and feel you love those tools and your hobby more than me".

Sometimes I need to hear hard words from her and sort out what the real problem is so I can respond appropriately. It is not always easy.

Do you have a regular date night with your wife? Do you sit down and talk with her daily? I need to improve on these areas but they really help. When I ma pouring into her, other things just seem to go more smoothly and she is much happier.

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Martin from Granbury

>If your wife would like you to produce museum quality carved "antique" furniture, explain to her that you will be able to do so after you attend many, many woodworking classes at Marc Adams or Kelly Mehler's or the woodworking school of your choice. All she needs to do is write the check, and you will be happy to put forth the effort required.

My wife's idea is that you go 50-50 with her. You build a piece and get to place it in your house, then she gets to buy a piece and do the same.

Explain to her that you are building "antiques" that one day your grandchildren will fight over...they will, one day, be her grandchildren's family heirlooms.

My wife and I have discussions, but they go like this..."Honey, do you like this plan?" "Yes, but where do you want to put it?" I like to build things just because of the plan I like...she wants to have a specific spot picked out before I start. So, I have to figure out where something will go, before I get to make it. Sometimes I give her several choices of the same type of project, i.e., I pick out several Shaker style side tables that I like, and let her have the final say. This gives her a little control over what ends up in the house.

Good luck,

Martin (remove "5" for correct email"

Stop Giving Her A Vote

Bob Smalser, Seabeck, WA

>I try to limit options to the type of the piece, ie, "Hunt Table to fit behind the couch".

I get much more input than that, of course...but ignore it....and she always seems to be just as happy with the result.

End Around may = SUCCESS

Greg Deavers in Stillwater

>My personal love for woodworking vs. ability is very much like yours. I too am going at it 'whole hog', but the difference is my wife wants everything! I get: "Hey Make Me One Of These!" all the time, as she looks at magazines, sales brochures, etc. I am always asking her "Where are you going to put it?"

IF I had to solve your situation for my sanity: I would rent a 1000 sq ft shop, move in, and make whatever furniture to your hearts desire!

Sell what you make - let that be your guide to "Skill Level and ability"..... Make what sells well or interests you. Skills will develop over time and practice. YOUR CUSTOMERS WILL TELL YOU WHAT THEY LIKE/WANT! Either way, you will be doing what you want to do - WORK WOOD! And with less stress on the marriage!

Best wishes to you this new year!