dejected woodworker needs advice

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Ernie Miller Topeka

>If that is what she wants let her have it. But that dosen't mean you have to give up you hobby make stuff for your self. build that dream shop with the perfect cabinets that you like. work on picking up the inlay skills use come glue on carvings. Build stuff for other people. I can under stand her point. she wants a certin style and quality. Let her have it but that is no reason to give up doing what you want and like. eventualy she will come around and ask you to build somthing for her. Several years ago my wife told me she wanted to have some furnature from a store for once. that she didn't want any thing else brought in the house. A year or two later she ask for a dressor for the bedroom. last spring she ask for a dry bar. Now I am working on a blanket chest. Build for your self the best you can. one day she will come around and want somthing in the mean time you will continue to learn. Build for your self.

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Mike Real

>Man, that has to hurt! Take a break and build for your shop and make it a dream shop. I am working through colonial style and developing my skills up to the Federal style.....it will be a few years till I get there but in the meantime I practice the simpler, cleaner construction of colonial and shaker. Hang in there Pard, its the trip not the destination that makes the handtool trail worthwhile. Mike

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Steve Kubien

>I've sorta been there. My skills are not quite up to furnishing my house. I don't think I've built anything she isn't happy with. Some items don't fit her taste. Oh well.

Don't throw in the towel! Keep doing what you enjoy. Fancy carvings, inlays and curved front things are (in my mind) pretty advanced stuff to pull off well. Make things YOU want to make. If you don't have a receptive audience at home, give gifts to friends or other receptive people for no reason (don't wait for Christmas, birthdays and such). Donate pieces to local charities for raffle or auction (women's shelters are often very grateful). One person (ok, a significant person) doesn't like your stuff? So what? To me, that's not a good reason to gift up. Decapitation? Now that's a good reason to give up.

Steve Kubien

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Skip in Falls Church

>That's a really devastating thing coming from your wife. Of course it would be tough to become as skilled at making things as a well trained joiner frm the 1700s or 1800s in a few years. But you get better by doing the work. If you really enjoy woodworking, giving it up will only make you unhappy, IMO. For a more objective opinion on your work, why not post a couple of pictures? In any case, you have my sympathy and the sympathy of my wife who read your post with her jaw hanging.

Skip

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Dennis

>Go buy a Harley,let your beard and hair grow long and take a nice long ride.

Dennis

remove nospam for email

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

steve knight

>hand her the tools and tell her lets see you do better. tell it is easy to say such things when you don't have to accomplish them.

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

joel

>I agree with everything said above and am sorry to hear of your trouble.

But carved and inlaid furniture for a kids room??? I think she is being a little hard on you.

You might want to look at more classic designs and give them a whack - Don't compromise on the design but prepare to practice technique so you can build more stuff of more complexity than you can imagine you can.

Things like inlay are doable - practice and learning. Carving is harder - In the 18th century these were specialist trades and most cabinetmakers farmed out the carvings. If you do need a peice with carvings why not see if you can trade services with a weekend carver like yourself. In return for carving your project - you build some carcasses for him. Most hard core carvers don't have the tools to do real furniture but they do know how to carve.

Your wife may not be as supportive as she could but you can also take this as a challange to rapidly expand your horizons.

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

rob ring

>That had to sting, but I think you're fortunate that your wife is frank and honest with you. Better that than to secretly resent your work.

If you want to build stuff for the house, learn to do the stuff she likes. Ask her to put her money where her mouth is - send you to a woodworking class for Christmas. I think you can learn to do inlay, carving, etc. If you don't want to do that, build for yourself, your shop, donations, etc as others have suggested. In so doing your skills will improve anyway.

But don't quit. This is your hobby. Pick your ego up and enjoy what you love.

Rob

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Felix B.

>Hi Mike,

It's in deed a very sad story you told us. However, there are few things that come to my mind.

First of all, it�s obvious that you like woodworking and it�s great that you can do what you like. Not everyone can always find time for these sorts of things.

Another thing is what inspires you. From your story it seems that making things for the house is your main source of inspiration. Unfortunately, from what it sounds like in your story, you may need to find another source of motivation for your work.

And finally, it's not your job, so you don't have to "meet the needs" of others :) You don't have to do what others think you should do in order for you, or your work to be accepted. Otherwise, it'll be nothing but frustration (because it won't be acceptable until you master the skill, but that takes a lifetime!), and next thing you know - you�ll have a heart attack trying to catch up...

Do what you like, do it as you pleased, and have fun while doing it! Otherwise what's the point of us being on this wonderful planet?

Hope things will calm down and you will return to you hobby with great enthusiasm!

- Felix

Don`t worry,be happy

Bob Hackett

>What you have is a free ticket to concentrate on the things YOU like.Many of us have to devote at least 50% of our time to making things to SWMBO specs.You on the other hand have twice the time to do things like make tools,build your shop,make your own workbench and tool cabinets,all the things the rest of use dream about having time for.

I guarantee that you will still be tasked to make things like shelves,cutting boards,curtain rods and other small projects for the home.

Things could be worse,I spent the first 5 years of my woodworking experience making things for the garden.At least your early projects were allowed in the house.

You could always take up turning if you`re bored but then we`d never see you again unless we looked on the turning forum.Just ask Mike Schwing.;^)

Mainely,Bob-Who`s wife has a LARGE collection of wood bowls to go with those cutting boards.

PS-My wife also had to pick her jaw up off the floor.

She never said anything just gently steered me outside or let my early projects find thier way up to the attic.They reappear now when my other WWing buddies come calling.

I think she learned this from my mother who still has all my highschool metal shop projects and loves to torture me by showing them to my friends.

LOYL isn't the only other person in the world

Tim of Dublin

>You can always build for yourself or for others.....get your pieces out in a consignment store.

I don't find your situation to be that difficult. LOYL likes Victorian/Queen Anne and similar style furniture. You don't want to do the carvings and hand work involved with such styles.....so get your pieces to other family/friends who like more simple style furniture.....IMNSHO, Arts and Crafts/Mission/Shaker and similar styles are very popular with DIY furniture makers because milling the pieces is much easier than all of the curved lines involved with the style of furniture LOYL enjoys....well, I certainly can't rule that reason as a contributor to my disposition in furniture styles :- 0!

So....get your pieces out to others who like such a style of furniture.

Re: Don`t worry,be happy

Wendell @ Murphy, TX

>I agree with Bob. Look at it as a blessing in disguise. My shop has never been organized, because I always feel pressure to produce stuff that my wife wants. My shop time is very limited so I haven't been able to explore some things I am interested in like tool making. Now you can make your dream shop, develop your skills, or focus on whatever peaks your interest.

Wendell

Dr.Todd says....

Todd Hughes

>Might be time for a new "Hobby" !, I'd look for a young beautiful gal that would like the stuff you make her and just let your wife buy the furniture she wants.....Wouldn't hurt to give your wife a list of all the things disapointing to you about her either,[maybe bigger "Curved Front Cabinets" eh?] ......Ok Dr. Phil I'm not ! But I think you have a bigger problim then a wood working one.....Todd

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

paul womack

>If your wifes tastes run to this kind of thing there's a problem.

These things were/are made by teams of specialists, each with multiple decades of experience.

So you (and I) can't match them? Nothing to be ashamed of, IMHO. Jeez, I can't box like Ali either.

If you want to make things for your home, you and your wife may need to talk, and find where some common ground lies.

BugBear

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Mitch from NYC

>My wife's opinion of what I make is very important to me -- sometimes too important. The trick, which I haven't come close to mastering yet, is to hold myself to the highest standard I can. If I reach that with a piece, then it will be very gratifying. If I don't reach it, then it is still gratifying for what I learned from a piece that didn't quite work.

I think it is important to distinguish between quality and style. In your post it seems like you were equating things like inlay and carving with high quality. Sure, those things are difficult to do well. But they are stylistic features. Quality is how well you execute the inlay or carving and how well it harmonizes with the whole piece. A delicately tapered table leg is another stylistic feature that is no easy thing to do well. As we all know, seemingly simple things can be very difficult and it takes practice and experience to do them. They may get "easier" after a while, but even then you have to take the history of learning the skills to do it (and screwing it up frequently!) into account. If you hold yourself to a high standard of quality, then the quality of your work will speak for itself.

Of course, it is your wife's prerogative to not like a particular piece you have made. Is she dissatisfied with the quality or the style? If she doesn't like the style of a piece -- if she wants colonial in the living room and you make Shaker, for example -- then that's a problem that can be solved by discussing the styles and agreeing on what you want to have in your house.

However, if she isn't satisfied with the quality of your work (and you are), that's another kind of problem. Even if the quality of something isn't as great as you want it to be, you want your spouse's support. It's easy for someone else to criticize what they can't do themselves.

Sorry to get psychobabbly here, but since it sounds like woodworking is incredibly important to you, your wife's criticism of your work may feel like a rejection of you. If it is, whether conscious or not, then she needs to address any other issues she has with you directly and keep your woodworking out of it. Either way, I think you would benefit from a little perspective and a ratcheting-down of the high stakes you have set for yourself. Your confidence in your skills and your joy in woodworking are things that no one can take away from you.

Writing this out has been more helpful to me than it will be for you, but I hope it does help, if only to see that other people are going through the same thing. Onward!

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Ted Shuck, Centennial, CO

>If you look at the price of the piece that BugBear linked, you might wonder how anybody can afford such furniture for household use as well!

I think you have gotten some very good advice here. Build for yourself. Eventually she will see you build something she likes and want something like it for the home. Her tastes won't allow her to furnish your home very quickly with the things she likes since she won't be able to find them or afford them.

I don't build much for my home, since we already had a housefull of furniture when I got started. I have done some builtins, bookcases and a bench, and these have worked out well. I have made boxes for tools and for gifts and a few for use around the house.

Don't get discouraged, just build for your own enjoyment.

Ted

Haven't read all the responses, but

Barb Siddiqui - Wenatchee, WA

>I notice there are none here from women. Mike- people we count on can often let us down. In my opinion, you should now do your woodworking for yourself, and never mention it to her again. Skill building is an ongoing process, and if she ever takes notice down the line, just say, "sorry, I don't think my skills are up to that quality yet." That is, unless she sincerely apologizes and means it, which may be hard to tell.

As to the projects done for your infant son's room, that was furniture given from the heart and it's between you and your child, or future children. It's none of her affair, and in that room, at least, she'll just have to put up with it, no compromise. Just my opinion, but, having been on the opposite of this 'receiving end', I'm telling you...a quiet evening woodworking and getting better and better at what you make, will go a long way to building your confidence. Just get in and do it, and good luck.

-Barb S.

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Jim in Burlington Ontario

>How ignorant of her not to keep her thoughts to herself. Personally I'd have a close look at taking some courses if you can budget the money to get away and take in the support of other's in a total woodworking environment. Join a woodworking club if there's one. Well there's lots more that could be said but hey dust yourself off and make something you always wanted.

Re: Dr.Todd says....

Greg Sloop, Portland Oregon

>*still chuckling*

I just knew when I saw this post it would be "interesting!"

Loved the references to bigger "Curved Front Cabinets."

Thanks for the laugh even if, IMHO, the advice isn't exactly what I'd prescribe!

Cheers,

Greg

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Greg Sloop, Portland Oregon

>Thing is, 10K doesn't seem like enough, considering the effort involved in producing it!

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

steve knight

>well you can aslo look at it as a free ticket to Buy the tools you need to do the work she wants you to do. You may never get to that level but you can tell her you need to buy tools at that level.

Build for your kids..

Rob Bourgeois, NW Mississippi

>There are tons of kid based things to build. Rocking horse, kid size table and chairs, toy boxs and even a small workbench with wooden tools.

Heck you can throw in a bit of carving practice on the horse and inlay on the tables and chairs. That way you are making projects that will be enjoyed and no looked upon for what they arent. Besides look at the faces you will get....pure joy

Re: dejected woodworker needs advice

Tony Z.

>Mike,

I feel for you. My Wife has more praise for the stuff I've made than it surely deserves. That's what keeps us going! Each time you do a letter better, even though you know you'll never satisfy yourself.

Incidentally, my Wife and I have significant income and assets and have considerable items (new and antique)that my work can be compared to. That has never happened!

T.Z.

Excellent advice!

Bob Hackett

>I know one area of the population that is notoriously easy to please,KIDS!

Ernie Miller and others are involved in making toys for area children and I know up here they are always looking for WWers to make simple furniture,wheelchair ramps,etc for disabled folks.

If your present skills are not appreciated at home then by all means use them to help folks who do appreciate it.I can`t think of a better way to help the community while moving toward developing and improving your skills.

I`m sure there`s a local group(perhaps the local guild or WWing club)who needs at least one more set of hands for projects like this.I`d start dialing if I were you,call from the shop phone.

Mainely,Bob