You`re looking at it all wrong
Bob Hackett(Mainely,Bob)
>It`s a quest!
We have so few challenges in our lives these days and our ability to make decisions has dwindled to next to zero.The Borgs are just doing thier level best to help bring some of that ability and challenge back.
Once you`ve made your way past the poor souls who have been standing just inside the doors for days mumbling "cart or basket",first thing you do is ignore those folks in the vests who ask if they can help.They know less than you do and they`re just there to weed out the weak and indecisive.
Devise a plan to get past the Isle Blockers who have brought the family there on vacation and take a moment to ponder the floorplan and solve the great mystery of "what the #%@\ were they thinking when they hid what I`m after".
Don`t be detered by the clearance racks and promotional items placed at random to distract you from your true mission.Don`t give in and punch the annoying spacecase repeatedly assaulting your achiles tendon with the cart bumper,press on till you find your objective rally point(otherwise known as the place they`ve hidden what you`re after).Now the real test begins.
They never have exactly what you`re there for,even if you found it on thier website before making the 45 minute drive to get there.If they ever did stock it they will be out,that`s a given.Now you must decide from the remaining selection what is the best substitute.If you`ve planned well and done all your pre-mission checks you have the old part with you,if not then either resign yourself to wandering the isles for the rest of your natural life,standing at the "service desk" while being ignored for months or making a break for the car.You can forget the break for the car if accompanied by the spousal unit,there`s a reason the blinds,linens and floor covering departments are always between you and the exit.
If you have luck with you,the planets are aligned,and you sacrificed the proper small mammal before arriving then you MAY be allowed to depart with something that will eventually,sort of,half assed solve your problem with only afew minor modifications(which will render it non-returnable) in your possesion.
once you have risen to and conquered all these obstacles,you`ll smile every time you come home and flip the switch because you know you are truely worthy to have bought that light bulb.
Mainely,dazed and confused after returning from yet another trip to sLowe`s,
Bob