Guide to French polishing

My old pal and cohort Jim Cummins wrote a regular joke column, "Jim's Corner," for our magazine back in the early 90s. One of his more memorable contributions was this Q&A:

Q: What is French polish?

A: Any finish applied vigorously with the lips and tongue.

(Tongue firmly in cheek.

Ellis, I'm thinking with your tongue firmly in your cheek, disqualifies it as a french polish