Never do what you can pay a ...

Say it, brother!

Bill Houghton, Sebastopol, CA

>A couple of years back, I spent one jolly January day in the crawlspace of our house with my younger (26 at the time) son, replacing the main water line where it had rotted through as it came out of the dirt. Since it was raining fairly heavily off and on and since our crawlspace has a little problem with flooding, we would periodically get even more drenched by rainwater seepage (For extra credit: identify one example of understatement in the assigned essay. Discuss how it adds an element of humor to the otherwise dark mood of the essay). I wound up throwing out the clothes I wore that day, and a pair of stainless steel vernier calipers that were gritted solid.

The only good part of the whole day was what my other son calls "time for a little father-son bonding," as Muir and I agreed that neither one of us wanted to make a career change into plumbing full-time.

I hope it's all fixed and that you won't have to face any more any time soon.

Sometimes, you DO save money!

Chris McLaughlin

>I had a leaky toilet in my upstairs bathroom about 1.5 years ago. My wife pointed out that the supply hose to the toilet was leaking so I put a new one on and we were golden for a few days. When we noticed more water on the floor, I just assumed that the original leak wasn't the problem. Besides, the new water on the floor seemed to have some urine in it.

So I took the throne off its seal, cleaned everything up (years-old wax and sewage are a wonderful combination), and put a new ring on. I had one problem with the ring in that my first attempt was misaligned (doing the job solo). I took it appart, molded the ring anew (playdoh anyone?), and put the toilet back together.

A week later, we were seeing more leakage, usually on a daily basis, and the leak had urine in. Damn! So I buy another ring and take the toilet off its seal one more time. This time, though, I grabbed the neighbor girl and her boyfriend to eyeball the alignment of the toilet as I set it down. In retrospect, I should have known that the only reason that Murphy made them available at that time was to make sure that there were witnesses to what happened next. Since I was lazy, I didn't take the tank off of the toilet. When I picked it up, one hand slipped and the eccentric weight of the toilet tank swung around in my one good grip and smashed itself into a thousand pieces on the tile. Luckily no one was hurt, though I did get a cut taking the shattered porcelain to the curb.

So off to the Home Depot where we pick up one of those expensive, one-piece Kohler toilets. I get an adult friend to help me lift and seat the toilet and find that there is a huge gap between the floor and the toilet. Damn once again. A few wooden shims and 1/2 a tube of caulk later, things look good from a distance. The problem is solved. We have no leaks.

A week later however, we noticed leaks in the basement bathroom, again containing urine. As I lay prostrate on the floor moaning in agony at the thought of smashing and replacing another toilet, my wife has a brainstorm and asks our four year old son "Son, do you ever miss when you pee?" Son looks cooly at his mother and answers noncomitally, "Sometimes."

So the moral of this story is that you WILL save money with DIY plumbing. Do you have any idea what a plumber will charge you to smash and replace a toilet? I shudder to think.

Chris

OK, Scott, give us detail

Bill Houghton, Sebastopol, CA

>Plumbing was NOT on the list of your plans for this last weekend. Am I safe to think that you got surprised by it at some point?

Re: Sometimes, you DO save money!

wayne

>When I was a kid my mom used to holler at my brother and me all the time, accusing us of "poor aim" until we caught her toy poodle lifting his leg at the base of the throne. At least he had the general idea where to go. Wayne

It wasn't plumbing but...

Rob Brophy Niagara Falls

>...I just got down off the roof of the old chuch we live in. I had to re-caulk the steeple. Too high for comfort but it was a nice view.

I feel for you Scott, I have a rather large plumbing project in the near future...Rob

Let's just say Bill (long)...

Scott Burr in Ben Lomond CA

>The old throne that was in our only bathroom had gone to the big bathroom in the sky.

Pull up a chair and a cold one, this is going to take a while...

I had planed on replaceing this old stained, water guzzeling, become more stinky by the day crapper next weekend. Well that turned out to be 1 week too late.

Well come Saturday afternoon I sat down to take care of some business� I was finishing up on my "paperwork" went it happened. Snap crackle pop there went the old bolts. I went sideways into the bath tub, and then the bowl starts to follow me� lost most of the tank water and a good amount out of the bowl along with some of my residue of course it lands on yours truly still trying to get a handle on this beast comming at me and I'm stumbeling with my pants down.

Yea� have a good laugh I can take it.

Yech! Clean up time. Yes, I did have to disassemble the old toilet in order to get it out of this bathroom. What fun.

Turns out the floor in this room has settled a bit 1/4-3/8" come to find out. We've been doing a balancing act for sometime it seems. I had gotten a newer WC (hey, water closet�) and rebuilt the guts a few months back. Excellent I say to myself and look at the clock�Yikes! 10 till 5:00�

I barely make it to the local hardware store to get a new gasket, bolts, and some shims. Get home after stopping for some suds too.

Lug new bowl into bath, new gasket, check, new bolts, and check. Mount toilet, shim, and tighten bolts check. Bring in tank and install no problems, install water line. Turn on water �Success!

No� wait� the pressure valve that I installed was not tightened properly at the place of its manufacture. This baby takes off like a pocket rocket out of the tank removing the filler tube with it on its way to the ceiling. Meanwhile, as Scott frantically turns off water valve the filler tube is flying around like a water weasel soaking everything in its path. Time for more beer and a good round of cursing

Wouldn�t you know it I have to pull the whole valve out to get to the nut at the top to tighten it down. O.K. let�s try this again�Nothing up my sleeve and presto! More beer! I �m feeling pretty good and very sore at this point

Make original post, off to bed.

It works. Or does it�

Later that night Scott get up and squats on the toilet a to remove the beer�s he�d consumed during the day. He leans foreword and hears a �snap�. The bowl it�s loose on 1 side now what the H#ll? Oh don�t worry about it a 4:00am. Warn the wife and look again tomorrow.

Sunday morning � Drain tank and bowl. Pull up toilet to find out old cast iron flange is so rusty and old it cracked. Curse more finish coffee and off to hardware store again. New flange, re remount the toilet.

Why in the name of you know and everything else are all toilet bolts so long? It takes forever to tighten these thing and my fingertips are feeling raw now not to say anything about my back and legs from shelppin� crappers around for 2 days.

Everything is working again so far�

Re: Let's just say Bill (long)...

Joe Rogers, Northern Virginia

>Ok, I won't tell about having to remove a toilet from the floor because the LOML was cleaning it and forgot the small scrub brush was in the bowl when she flushed it to rinse. Seems it didn't flush right after that...JR (Not as entertaining to read but just as frustrating)

Re: Let's just say Bill (long)...

Jonathan Peck - N.Y.

>Don't worry Scott...this happens to everyone atleast once:-)