Turning Archive 2004

Nukular bugs

Mike Schwing from Md.
>(Yeah, I spelled it that way on purpose)

OK, this has me kind of freaked out. I grabbed a nice piece of box elder out of my pile, tossed it around on the bandsaw and put it between centers on the lathe. I noticed some of the bark had come off and there were little critters crawling around. Not the first time, no big deal. But then I noticed there were tons of them and only a tiny bit of bark had been removed. Way too many, and I imagined them spinning off the lathe and all over me. Not gonna happen.

Quick fix, I think "this piece is about microwave size, 12-13" or so" Let's nuke the b(f)uggers. My wife was out at the moment, so the coast was clear.

5 minutes in the microwave. They're dancing all around, unaffected. Touch the blank, no wonder, it is hardly room temp. 10 more minutes in the microwave. Blank is too hot to touch but the crawlies are having a party. A party! They're wandering all over the place. A couple of them have fallen off and are on the rotating table, but they're still enjoying the warmth and humidity. I'm concerned about these nukular bugs now... 10 more minutes. I can now hear the blank popping and fizzing, but those bugs are going to town. Some are poppy sized black beetles, some are salt grain sized, and at least one had pincers.

So now I've watched the remaining quarter of the Ravens game (LOSERS!) and haven't turned a thing, PLUS these bugs are freaking me out. I took it outside and dumped it in my 5 gallon bucket of alcohol.

Tomorrow when I check on it they'll probably just be drunk.

I cannot believe 25 minutes in the nooker didn't kill'm. Roaches aren't the only things that will survive a nukular attack.

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