Turning Archive 2007

Things a Woodturner Should Not Say or Hear

>There are some statements that woodturners should leave unspoken. This is not a case of being politically correct, but out of simple sensitivity for the uneducated and unfortunate among us. But first, why I am qualified to bring this to your attention.

Through the years being a member of woodturning clubs, attending symposiums and classes, and working closely with other woodturners I have found there are some things that this group of fine people should leave unsaid. Many of the following statements I have first hand knowledge about through keen observation at numerous demonstrations and from my vast and half-vast personal experiences.

Most verbal declarations (and responses) arise out of a particular woodturning situation or circumstance arising out of an ‘at-the-moment’ event. In that regard some turners have ungraciously accused me of possessing a unique expertise in ‘at-the-moment’ events. Obviously, possessing special insights, as noted below, can only be gained through years of practice (err experience) in woodworking. So! Some basic do’s and don’ts and what not to say in those awkward circumstances. This is straight from the school of hard knocks, or is that knots?

To the unfortunate person in the front row at a demo: “That didn’t hurt much did it?” “The good news is the medic is on his way. And you don’t want to know the bad news.”

To the guy in the back row at the demo: “nice catch, now would you bring my bowl back so I can put it back in the chuck?”

“Where’d all that blood come from. Argh! it’s all mine?”

From the wife: “Why did we need a new microwave?” More from the wife: “No! You can’t put wood in my freezer.” Also, “what’s this wood doing in my pantry (buffet, linen closet, etc.)?”

How do I get my chuck (face-plate, etc.) off the spindle?

That’s a nasty cut, but super glue will work just as well as stitches.

You really should have let the super glue dry before turning the lathe back-on.

As a side note: Super glue really improves your grip on a skew chisel. Keeps it from being snatched out of your hand and stabbing you in the foot. Fortunately my old steel toe shoes issued to be during my intense culinary studies while enrolled in army KP have served me well in that regard. The army apparently got inside information about me and sharp instruments from my mom when they drafted me.

In response to that smart aleck at the demo; Of course I know the difference between a gouge and a scraper.

I usually start sanding with 36-grit, it saves my scraper.

I’m looking for the other segmented piece, it’s around here some place. Who would have ever thought to look for it in the ceiling?

Wow! Look at that, you really are allergic to rosewood.

Did you see that big hunk of wood I had on the lathe run through the shop introducing itself to everyone?

Yup! Wormy mesquite can be nasty. Ya shud’ve wore a face shield. No! I’ve never been able to describe the taste.

Critique: My kids were the greatest recipients of my woodturnings until they all moved without leaving forwarding addresses, so now I simply leave them on top of the garbage can knowing that Hank is a collector of fine art. I was once asked to critique a woodturning to which I replied, “You expect me to critique that?” Strange as it may sound I’ve not been asked to do a critique since.

Now, about the AAW .......... nuff said.

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