Turning Archive

different things to different people...
Response To:
What's a newspaper? ()

John K Jordan
I buy the paper newspaper for two primary and several secondary reasons.

The Top Ten reasons I get a newspaper, in no particular order:

1) I read the paper every day on my iPad. I don't watch TV or browse newsfeeds so this is how I keep up with the news. To get the "full image" edition here you have to purchase a subscription. The price of the subscription gets me the paper version and online version unless I would tell them to not send the paper copy.

2) My Lovely Bride, the best cook in the southeast, wants the paper version of the cooking section every Wednesday. She reads and sometimes cuts out a few of the recipes. She likes to read and circle things from the grocery ads which also come on Wednesday. She is also the best frugal chef in the area. She is a happy person. When mama is happy, everyone is happy.

3) I give the other papers to the family down the street without financial means. We have a system. I put the paper in an old camouflaged plastic box between two trees by the road and put a brick on top to signal it contains the paper. The llamas guard the box. The law probably checks it occasionally for contraband. The very nice guy down the road reads it and shares some of it with his elderly mother. I also give him firewood which he gets burning with some of the paper. He watches the neighborhood and disposes of trespassers. Win-win!

4) The comic pages are great for wrapping presents. That's my cheap nature again.

5) To combine two beehives when needed, one excellent procedure is to place a layer of newspaper between the hive with a queen and the one without put on top. I spray the new bees with sugar water too. By the time the bees eat through the paper the queen's pheromones permeate and the new bees accept her as their queen. Otherwise there will be a war and many innocent bees lives will be lost.

6) Lighting the smoker before working the bees is easiest by lighting several strips torn from newspaper, then adding pine needles or other combustibles.

7) My new stainless steel burn barrel is easily started with a sheet of newspaper.

eight) It keeps the recycling people busy!

9) It lets the poor guy who delivers at 4am keep his job.

10) Oh, did you know it is good for packing material? :-)

However, if our newspaper company offered a significant discount for dropping the printed version I'd do it in a heartbeat (I'm a card-carrying cheapskate) so I'd go buy the Wednesday edition from the newsstand. Priority: keep mama happy.


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